There are times in my life when I wish I had more privacy. When it feels like people are everywhere you turn and you are constantly having to answer to someone - family, friends, coworkers, etc. I'm a very private person and I like lots of space. Sure, I love my family and friends, and I enjoy every minute that I have with them, but I also love having a lot of time to spend with just my husband and daughter - or sometimes just by myself (luckily I have a little one who enjoys entertaining herself and being independent sometimes, which allows me some down time by myself).
But there are other times when even in the midst of so many people, I can feel so alone and isolated. I tend to have a hard time trusting people in general, so when someone breaks my trust, hurts my feelings or does something that I don't understand, I can sometimes take it very hard. During these times I like to throw pity parties, telling myself that no one else could understand the pain, disappointment, (insert many other emotions here) that I feel at this moment. It really is quite ridiculous, but it happens - even more during the emotional hormone roller coaster called pregnancy.
I think its times like this that God uses my trials and roller coaster of emotions to remind me of what it feels like to be Him. Recently, I had a situation in which I felt very betrayed by someone that I love. I had a good several days full of pity parties for myself. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? In a relationship where I felt like I had given everything that I had, why was I the one who felt betrayed, neglected and ignored?
It was during those days of grieving that I was reminded during a quiet time that God must feel that very same way about how I treat Him. As many times as He's been there for me and as much as He's given and invested to have a relationship with me, I can't imagine the way He feels when I decide that I just don't feel like having a quiet time with Him or that I really want to do something that I know I shouldn't do. I bet He is so hurt and disappointed when I turn away from his outstretched arms of strength and comfort during difficult times so I can grieve alone needlessly. And I bet he feels betrayed and neglected when I take for granted all that He has invested to have a relationship with me and give me everything I could ever need or ask, yet I show no interest in being thankful or spending time with Him.
I am thankful that He forgives me and remembers that I am human. I am grateful that He doesn't give up and that He's always there when I decide to acknowledge Him. And I'm extremely thankful that He doesn't wait for me to ask for help - He's continuously working on my behalf to shape my life, map out my path and meet my needs. When I start to feel alone, I am reminded that my creator, who knows me better than I know myself, loves me and is here for me. People will always disappoint me and let me down, but my God will never leave me or forsake me.
